I’m really, really bad not only at asking for help, but even accepting help when it’s offered to me. I remember about a year ago flying by myself with my kids. I was trying to maneuver a suitcase, car seats, a diaper bag, a rambunctious two-year old, and a three-month old to the rental car lot. “Can I carry something for you?” the agent asks. “Oh no, I’m good!” I say. Seriously?! Why do I do this?!
Sure, that’s a comical example, but things aren’t so comical for a lot of moms right now. When I started Lasagna Love at the beginning of the pandemic, my one goal was to help moms in my community who were struggling. For some, that struggle meant their family had lost income. But for so many others, struggling has meant moms trying to work remotely, distance learn their kids, be the emotional pillar for the family, keep up to date on COVID safety, still handle everything else they used to do pre-pandemic, and it’s just. Really. Hard. So, you’d think a home-cooked lasagna delivery from a neighbor would be a no brainer!
And yet: I was amazed at the number of moms who messaged me starting with “I’m embarrassed, but…” or “I really don’t want to ask, but…” or “I’ve seen your posts for weeks and I’ve finally gotten up the courage…”
Why does it feel so hard to ask for help when we need it? Is it pride? Is it that we’re trying to prove we can? Is it because we’re worried we’ll be judged if we say we need help? Whatever it is I want to change it, and I started with me. Here are the things I remind myself of when help is staring me in the face and I start to say, “no I’m good!”.
Sure, that’s a comical example, but things aren’t so comical for a lot of moms right now. When I started Lasagna Love at the beginning of the pandemic, my one goal was to help moms in my community who were struggling. For some, that struggle meant their family had lost income. But for so many others, struggling has meant moms trying to work remotely, distance learn their kids, be the emotional pillar for the family, keep up to date on COVID safety, still handle everything else they used to do pre-pandemic, and it’s just. Really. Hard. So, you’d think a home-cooked lasagna delivery from a neighbor would be a no brainer!
And yet: I was amazed at the number of moms who messaged me starting with “I’m embarrassed, but…” or “I really don’t want to ask, but…” or “I’ve seen your posts for weeks and I’ve finally gotten up the courage…”
Why does it feel so hard to ask for help when we need it? Is it pride? Is it that we’re trying to prove we can? Is it because we’re worried we’ll be judged if we say we need help? Whatever it is I want to change it, and I started with me. Here are the things I remind myself of when help is staring me in the face and I start to say, “no I’m good!”.
When I’m offering help, it’s genuine. I’m not offering help because I feel obligated, or because I want something in return, or because I want to hold that help over someone’s head at a later date. Do those people exist? Probably, but I’m pretty sure they’re in the minority. So, if someone else is offering me help, that means it’s also probably genuine.
Helping others makes me feel awesome. Helping other people feels so good to me I think it may be addictive. It makes me feel happy, fulfilled, and tingly, like I’m a part of something greater. So, when someone offers me help, I remind myself that it’s an equal exchange – that I’m also giving them something in the moment that I say yes.
Karma is a thing. If you do nice things for others and somewhere, in the back of your mind, you’re thinking “someday this will come back to me”. Guess what? Someday is here, and it’s coming back to you! Take the help when it’s offered, and don’t ever feel like you don’t deserve it.
Helping others makes me feel awesome. Helping other people feels so good to me I think it may be addictive. It makes me feel happy, fulfilled, and tingly, like I’m a part of something greater. So, when someone offers me help, I remind myself that it’s an equal exchange – that I’m also giving them something in the moment that I say yes.
Karma is a thing. If you do nice things for others and somewhere, in the back of your mind, you’re thinking “someday this will come back to me”. Guess what? Someday is here, and it’s coming back to you! Take the help when it’s offered, and don’t ever feel like you don’t deserve it.
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Mamas, I’ve been working on this for a couple years now and it’s still hard for me to accept help. But the good news is, it’s getting easier! Sometimes it’s the little things, like letting a stranger help me carry groceries to the car. But sometimes it’s the big things, like asking my husband for emotional help when I was feeling helpless at the beginning of this pandemic. Now, it’s a little different at the moment with coronavirus, and I wouldn’t let a stranger help me carry my groceries. But there’s plenty of new ways I’m learning to ask for help in this time. And who knows, maybe reading this will inspire someone here to go sign up for Lasagna Love, or nominate another mama who might not know how to ask for herself!
Ultimately, here’s what I believe: the more we accept help, the more other people will be encouraged to offer help, again and again. And the more people offer help, the stronger our communities will be. And the stronger our communities are, the better our world will be. So mamas, let’s go say yes to help!
About the Author
Rhiannon Menn is a mama, chef, designer, and adventurer. She loves decaf coffee, traveling, and super fuzzy sweaters. She’s never met a bread pudding she didn’t like! In 2019 after the birth of her second child she had an epiphany: when she took good care of herself, she was much better at taking care of those around her. She founded Good to Mama as a way to change the narrative about what it means to be a mom. In 2020 she also founded Lasagna Love to help moms impacted by the pandemic. She’s been featured on the Today Show, in the Washington Post, and on SouthernLiving.com. You can find her online at www.begoodtomama.com and www.lasagnalove.org, or on Instagram @begoodtomama.
Ultimately, here’s what I believe: the more we accept help, the more other people will be encouraged to offer help, again and again. And the more people offer help, the stronger our communities will be. And the stronger our communities are, the better our world will be. So mamas, let’s go say yes to help!
About the Author
Rhiannon Menn is a mama, chef, designer, and adventurer. She loves decaf coffee, traveling, and super fuzzy sweaters. She’s never met a bread pudding she didn’t like! In 2019 after the birth of her second child she had an epiphany: when she took good care of herself, she was much better at taking care of those around her. She founded Good to Mama as a way to change the narrative about what it means to be a mom. In 2020 she also founded Lasagna Love to help moms impacted by the pandemic. She’s been featured on the Today Show, in the Washington Post, and on SouthernLiving.com. You can find her online at www.begoodtomama.com and www.lasagnalove.org, or on Instagram @begoodtomama.
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